


Rematch: Akatsuki vs. Ramen pt.2

by esmeraldablazingsky



Series: The Akatsuki vs. Ayame [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Akatsuki - Freeform, Crack, EXCESSIVE RAMEN, Eating Contests, Gen, Humor, Ichiraku Ramen - Freeform, It's Rematch Time™, Kisame vs. 9 bowls of ramen, Not Canon Compliant, Ramen, as far as the akatsuki are concerned at least, ayame is actually the devil, everyone fails again, itachi u little shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2017-08-27
Packaged: 2018-12-20 17:46:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11926014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/esmeraldablazingsky/pseuds/esmeraldablazingsky
Summary: Kisame is out of his food coma, and the other Akatsuki members are ready to face the Nine-Tails Challenge... which means... A REMATCH!





	Rematch: Akatsuki vs. Ramen pt.2

The tension within the Akatsuki had almost reached an unbearable level when Itachi finally deemed it a suitable time to return to Konoha and rematch the Nine-Tails Challenge. 

"Let's go," said Itachi, swinging his cloak over his shoulders and beckoning for the rest of the available Akatsuki to follow him. 

"Is Tobi coming?" whispered Deidara, then jumped in shock when Tobi himself materialized behind him.

"Of course Tobi is coming with you, Deidara-senpai!" he squeaked, and Deidara growled, shooting a venomous look at Tobi. Itachi sighed internally. 

"Let's go," said Sasori, positioning himself between Deidara and Tobi to avoid any unnecessary collateral damage. 

"Hmm," agreed Itachi, and the group set off with only minimal death threats. 

They reached Konoha and Itachi hoped his genjutsu would hold over the conspicuously squabbling group of S-Rank missing-nin. It would be difficult to explain to Konan and Pain why they'd all gotten caught in Konoha trying to get ramen at once. Itachi led them to Ichiraku Ramen, and Ayame raised one eyebrow as the Akatsuki piled into the ramen stall, squeezing into the tiny space in a row. 

"Back for a rematch?" she challenged Kisame, waving a ladle at him. 

"You bet," replied Kisame, and Deidara laughed.

"You're so serious," he said. "Jeez, man, it's just ramen." 

"And you brought friends," observed Ayame, her wicked grin growing ever wider. 

This was going to be interesting, thought Itachi, leaning forward on the counter to watch. 

"Dad, these guys want to do the Nine-Tails Challenge again," called Ayame, and Teuchi appeared behind the counter, looking with some surprise at the assortment of shinobi that had appeared in his shop.

"I'll get some more chairs," he said after a moment. "Ayame, get the bowls, will you?"

"Yep," said Ayame. "Will do."

"Is there a prize?" asked Kakuzu. Ayame thought for a second, then nodded.

"Yep, you get to eat here for free for life," she said, and behind her, Teuchi went pale.

"Ayame, are you sure?" he asked. Ayame nodded resolutely, then looked over the group before her and frowned.

"Before we begin, I want to make it clear that you must consume the ramen on your own," she said. "No summoning additional bodies." 

With that, she disappeared into the back of the shop and the Akatsuki made themselves comfortable in anticipation of the hard-fought battle they were about to face. 

"It can't be that difficult," said Hidan, rolling his eyes. "I think you're exaggerating, Kisame."

"See for yourself," said Kisame, looking a bit shell-shocked now that he was facing the challenge for a second time. It suddenly occurred to Itachi that he would most likely be carrying the participants back to base afterwards, and he sighed to himself. Oh dear. 

The first round of ramen arrived, and the universally feared group of shinobi assembled in Ichiraku Ramen on a sunny afternoon began the trial of a lifetime. 

Deidara and Hidan glared daggers at each other while racing to finish their bowls, Kakuzu's intense focus probably came from the promise of savings, Kisame faced his rematch with renewed enthusiasm, Sasori poured ramen down the throat of his puppet body with a completely blank face, steam rising out of his joints, and Tobi... Well, Tobi was himself, as always, which meant he ate his ramen while giggling to himself and pushing every possible button that Deidara had. Fortunately, Deidara was otherwise occupied, and thus not very inclined to blow anything up. 

Sasori was the first to reach round two, his wooden body unresponsive to heat, and Deidara audibly hissed as he tried to copy his partner and ended up burning his tongue. 

In the midst of all this chaos stood Ayame, watching the bowls stack higher and resting her ladle over her shoulder, smiling like a demon as she watched the Akatsuki drown themselves in ramen and competitive spirit. 

Itachi felt a certain sense of pride watching Kisame reach bowl four without any noticeable change in pace, although he did look a bit pale. 

"I expect you to do better this time," he said so only Kisame could hear him, smiling behind his cloak as Kisame nodded and drained the fourth bowl. 

Sasori's eyes widened as he realized his puppet body couldn't fit any more, and Ayame grinned and tapped his hand with her ladle. 

"You're out," she said with a frankly wicked grin, and Deidara gave a muffled "ha!" through a heaping mouthful of fish cakes. 

However, Deidara's triumph didn't last long, and he slid off his chair a minute or two later, clutching his stomach. 

"I can't," he panted, "eat a single bite more."

"That's because you weigh like twenty fucking pounds," said Hidan, eyeing Kisame as his next competitor. Deidara looked like he wanted to argue, but instead he settled for flopping onto his back on the floor and throwing a hand over his face dramatically. 

"I'm going to explode, and it's not because of bombs," he complained.

"A different form of art," Sasori commented drily. Deidara groaned. 

The next to fail was Kakuzu, even the promise of free food not enough to carry him to victory. He wasn't inclined to melodrama and complaining like Deidara, but he was soon curled up on the floor next to the blonde-haired artist, who was loudly bemoaning his fate. 

That left Hidan and Kisame in a battle to the death, both of them on their sixth bowl and locked in a face-off that got more and more intense with every mouthful of soup that disappeared from their dishes. Next to Kisame, Itachi sat with his elbows on the counter, his Sharingan activated to enable him to watch this riveting competition in high-definition quality. Ayame had her arms crossed, watching her handiwork steadily undoing the entire Akatsuki with the hidden power of Ichiraku Ramen's supremely delicious noodles. 

Hidan and Kisame's standoff continued on to the seventh bowl, which was the largest one yet, the two of them eyeing each other over their soup with death glares more sincere than Itachi had ever seen on Kisame's face even right before actually murdering someone. 

Besides, someone else had entered the ramen stall unnoticed by the Akatsuki- Naruto Uzumaki, Jinchuuriki of the Nine-Tails, and unbeknownst to the current competitors, the reigning champion of ramen-eating. 

Without registering who was sitting at the counter, Hidan and Kisame saw Naruto's growing stack of ramen bowls and panicked, gulping down the remains of their bowls. 

Wow, thought Itachi vaguely. Seven bowls, each one bigger than the last. 

"You beat your record, Kisame," he said, trying to keep his voice impassive. He was really, genuinely impressed, though. In all his travels and missions with Kisame, he'd never seen something like this. 

It was sort of therapeutic to watch, really. 

As long as he didn't have to do it himself, Itachi thought. 

Finally, even Hidan had to quit, carefully lowering himself to the floor and smacking Deidara's hand away as he tried to poke him. 

"I can't move," complained Hidan. 

"Deidara-senpai, Tobi doesn't feel too good," said Tobi, who was sprawled on the ground as well, and Deidara sighed, then yelped when even that slight movement put him in more pain. 

The Akatsuki, thought Itachi. Defeated by a teenage girl with a ladle and, apparently, no mercy whatsoever. 

Taking his attention away from Kisame for a moment, Itachi turned his gaze to Naruto, only to find that he had vanished, leaving only a battlefield of empty dishes in his wake. Huh. How strange. 

Kisame managed to nearly finish his eighth bowl this time before collapsing face first onto the counter, panting. 

"Okay, I think we're done," said Itachi to Ayame, who nodded and grinned.

"Outdone again," she said. "Well, that's too bad. Maybe one day you'll make it."

"Who was that blonde kid?" asked Deidara, having recovered just enough to ask questions.

"That," said Itachi, "was the real Nine-Tails." 

"What the fuck?!" demanded Hidan, eyes widening as he took in the carnage that Naruto had left behind. "He- what?! THAT'S the power of the Kyuubi?!" 

Itachi nodded solemnly.  
"He's the reigning champion," said Ayame, twirling her ladle. "Have fun challenging him, boys." 

There was a chorus of groans from the international criminals passed out in various states of food coma on the ramen-stall floor. 

Itachi really, truly had no idea how he was going to get everyone back to base within around three days. 

 

By some miracle, Itachi eventually managed to pull off a jutsu that got everyone back to base safely and with minimal bumps, which would have been bad for everyone's physical state except maybe Sasori's, so Itachi counted that as a win. 

However, everyone was still on the floor trying not to die, which meant that nobody was prepared to cover up the evidence of their adventure when Pain opened the door and was met with the sight of his formidable team of rogue shinobi all lying on the carpet in serious food comas.

Pain turned to Itachi, who was the only one of them in a well enough condition to answer his many, many questions. 

"What happened?" he demanded. "What enemy could have caused all this?" Without missing a beat, Itachi replied,  
"We fought the Nine-Tails..." 

Pain's eyes widened. 

"I will finish him off," he said, turning and beckoning Konan to come with him.

"...Challenge," finished Itachi as the leader of the Akatsuki left the room to pit himself against an unknown foe.

Itachi looked at his partner, out cold on the floor after being outmatched by an overdose of ramen, and sighed. 

He didn't even want to know what would happen next. 

 

~to be continued... again~

**Author's Note:**

> I know I posted part 1 earlier today but I wrote this between then and now because I am confirmed garbage. Comment to support my continuing to be garbage. If you read this whole thing I love you


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